Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
