She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
