i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
