I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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