We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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