Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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