I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
