I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
