He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
