apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
