Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He passed out mid-signature
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We left an ass print on the piano.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
