Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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