Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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