Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize