i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
