Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
