you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize