brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
