imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
