I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
