I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
