this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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