Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm too high and old for this...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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