she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
