you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
