If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
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Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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