what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
