Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
