smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Randomize
