Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
