were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
