my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
