I showed him my bush... on skype.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
