brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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