Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think people are normalizing furries
So apparently I’m into choking now
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
