I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
