i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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