There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i out mim tonsoeep
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