p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
