She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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