Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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