i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
