I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
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