Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
