and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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