My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
you had me at cake vodka
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
