He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
