i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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