I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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