oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
