I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
last night I used snow as a chaser
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
