quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
