Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
