You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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