Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
