These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize