can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
