God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just found a bag of teeth...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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