I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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