I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
